Parish Missions

The Challenge of Being a Family

In a parish mission that I regularly preach, a rather simple survey is offered at the weekend liturgies. The people are asked to indicate one of several roles they may have in the family and, in the briefest possible sentence, tell what they feel is the greatest challenge they face in that role. I use those surveys to create a narrative which is part of a prayer service on the second night of the mission

Some of the results I’ve gotten over the years make it clear that being a member of a family is an amazing challenge. Just listen to some of the responses I regularly receive.

HUSBAND: Finding ways to keep our marriage fresh.

WIFE: Accepting my husband for who he is, not who I would

like him to be.

SINGLE: Dealing with family members whose lifestyle is so

different from mine.

DIVORCED: I’m crushed; my son’s heart is broken.

WIDOWED: I can’t remember life without him.

MOTHER: Caring for my children and my elderly parents at

the same time.

FATHER: How to connect with my teenaged daughter; there’s

no instruction manual!

SINGLE PARENT: Being both father and mother to my children.

CHILD: Not having that much to say about anything.

TEEN: All the pressure from school, sports, friends, faith and

family.

SENIOR: I worry about my children and grandchildren not

practicing their faith.

Pastoral staffs are overwhelmed by the honesty and often the pain in these responses. As one pastor said, “I had no idea!” But I’m sure he used the results of that survey to listen more closely in the myriad ways we all have of LISTENING to the lived situations of those around us. The remarkable outcome for those attending the parish mission to that prayer service is similar to the pastoral staffs’ reaction: “We had no idea!”

I offer these vignettes of familial challenges because the only solution--I repeat, the only solution--to these challenges is compassion. Being able to put ourselves in another’s shoes, being able to listen to the stories with our hearts, is the challenge every member of a family faces.

We could understand how nothing in Paul’s letter to the Colossians would be possible without that carefully honed skill--virtue--of compassion. There would be no challenge too daunting that could not be met with his instruction:

Put on, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,

heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,

bearing with one another and forgiving one another,

if one has a grievance against another;

as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.

And over all these put on love,

that is, the bond of perfection.

The Gospel’s story of Joseph, who is confronted with a staggering challenge, supports the Pauline prescription: listening with one’s heart to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. So often we may implore divine help in family challenges, but, I would think, we never give the Holy Spirit “a word in edgewise.” Do we ever stop long enough to actually listen to the Holy Spirit’s response to our prayers? Maybe we rattle on and on because we really don’t want to hear what the Holy Spirit might say to us. Joseph willingly listened to what the Holy Spirit prompted him to do, even though it led to even further challenges for the young father.

In the face of the daily challenges as family members, this Feast of the Holy Family should invite us to be open to the experiences of others in our families, even entering into the experience of the other in prayer. If we can learn to listen and appreciate the struggles each individual in the family experiences, then, although the challenges won’t necessarily disappear, they may very well become more manageable.

As we gather around the altar today, we ask the Holy Family’s guidance in dealing with the challenges we face in our families. And as we do, we actually take a little extra time after Communion to LISTEN to what could very well be the answer to our prayers.