DEFERENCE: THE GIFT OF LOVE
Some may remember from high school the classic O. Henry short story “The Gift of the Magi.” In that enduring Christmas love story we meet Della and Jim, who love each other so much that each sacrifices for the other what is most precious. Jim sells his grandfather’s gold pocket watch to buy a jeweled comb for Della’s beautiful long hair; Della sells her long hair to buy Jim a gold chain for his watch. We humans take great interest in the stuff of relationships. Bizarre relationships intrigue us; successful ones encourage us; failed ones depress us; new ones inspire us. Perhaps it’s because we are communal beings who, at any given time, are deeply involved in several relationships at once. We’re a daughter or son and, at the same time, a mother or father or a sister or brother. We are friend, employee, lover, neighbor, colleague…the list goes on and on. Each role represents a distinct relationship.It shouldn’t surprise us then that developing, maintaining, and healing relationships occupy so much of our psychic and spiritual energies. We are called by the Word of God today to reflect on relationships that are important in our lives to see how that Word might strengthen them. Joshua confronts the Israelites so as to renew their covenant relationship with Yahweh. Having drifted in and out of fidelity to that relationship, they are now called to make a decision: “Whom will you serve?”Paul challenges the Ephesians with the Christian rule for relationships based on Christ’s call to love one another as I have loved you. Our relationships will be Christ-like, he tells us, when we are able to defer to one another out of reverence for Christ. It is in such humble deference to others that a relationship can avoid the pitfalls of pride and control that spell disaster.As Jesus’ lengthy discourse on the Eucharist in John’s Gospel comes to an end, some followers cannot accept the challenge of a relationship so intimate that it would have them accept his flesh and blood as food. This kind of talk is too much to endure.We, too, sometimes recoil at Jesus’ message to become Eucharist for one another, for the brokenhearted, those crushed in spirit, the homeless, the poor, the alienated, the forgotten, because this means a decision to give our body and blood—to defer our very existence—for the welfare of others. The Word of God resounds with the appeal to treat one another in deference out of reverence for Christ.
In our closest relationships there are a myriad of opportunities to put the message of this Liturgy into practice. Being able to show true deference in the intimate relationship of husband and wife or parent and child is often a challenge that goes unnoticed in the fast pace of our daily routines. But this deferential attitude is something that will never develop and flourish, if it is not consciously focused on every day. The same is true of relationships with our extended families, neighbors, and colleagues in the workplace. We cannot escape further implications present in our world today. Making a sacrifice to insure that all our brothers and sisters have adequate health care is not so much a political issue as it is part of our role as disciples of the one who asked us to "love one another as I have loved you." Not unlike the Israelites, we come to recognize that our ancestors were once aliens: So you too must befriend the alien, for you were once aliens yourselves in the land of Egypt. Dt. 10:19In that Biblical spirit we look to those who seek the shelter of our shores today as images of our own histories and embrace them with love out of reverence for Christ.
But we don’t look at these as relationship issues; we consider them political in nature and not part of the Gospel mandate of love. This sort of talk is hard to endure. How can we take it seriously?We come to the Eucharist to ask to be nourished by Word and Sacrament to accept Joshua’s challenge to “decide today whom you will serve.” In this celebration, we seek to live out the ancient Covenant by being in right relationship not only with our God, not only with our families and neighbors, but also with all of God’s creation.Christ is the model of deference. Through the Eucharist we learn the meaning of sacrificing self for others. The Eucharist memorializes a profound sacrifice that is to be a model for all our relationships. It goes beyond the warm feeling of jeweled combs and gold watch chains offered to a loved one at Christmas. This Eucharist asks us to surrender our pride and control and give way to humility and deference in our daily relationships both personal and societal. So in spite of how difficult this talk is to endure, we come to a moment of decision. It is time to defer to one another out of reverence for Christ, as did those disciples, who in spite of the challenge had enough faith to say:“Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”